can you hear it

rain. washing the car, settling the dust, soothing the nerves, hopefully putting out fire. autumn at last.

on missing

Verily enjoying the super close-up function on my camera. It sees details that my eye can't see.

As Hanna commented last post, missing can be nice. I completely agree. It's easy to take the one you see the most often for granted. And take for granted that they will always be there. I experienced all kinds of emotions as we were planning K's departure. There has been a huge letting go, and I found myself mourning our relationship in some way as if we were saying good bye for ever. Which on one hand sounds ridiculous given that we will only be a month apart, but makes sense in light of the unpredictable nature of life. We never know what will happen at any moment and so every moment is a letting go. And so we miss each other and the moment of return is all the more precious.

Beau of course doesn't have any concept of the time; that K is away for four weeks means little, and he expects him to be home at the end of each day even though he knows K is in India. He has been incredibly loving and helpful during our long days together. Beau seems to understand that we will be moving (back) to WA. He has begun asking on a daily basis "Can I bring ...... to Western Australia". Three moves in three years is probably a little confusing for him, and that we are 'at home' here but it's M's house...... I think at the least he will be able to withstand change without too much trauma in his life. We hope. We also hope there won't BE too many moves until we find our Home.

And to pass on a wonderful initiative that Esti posted on her blog...You Are Beautiful

skeleton woman begs for audience

What an autumn this is. Shedding more than leaves around here. Autumn has got me all topsy turvy. My head has been full to overflowing. Let go let go let go is my mantra. I hold my drawing pen and hover over white paper. We talk about where to go after winter. Freedom brings fears. Let go let go let go. She's in the cave putting new flesh on rattling rattling telling me to stay with it and watch and wait. Don't bolt. There's a winter yet and then a spring. Life is living us all whatever move we make.
This is the bit I always forget. Whenever I have big decisions to make (at least they always seem big) I feel like I have to do everything I can to bring a good outcome. And along the way there are many people to please and many factors to consider. Exhausting. Something good happened at Amma's feet. A pause long enough to show us what it might be like to just be.

So I'm feeling very emotional and open. Beau and I have spent many days at home talking, making things, dancing and singing, walking in between rain showers. We all spent last weekend driving around the country looking at property which was great research but rather exhausting. It was a little charged for me with the feeling that we have to buy a house now. I've been holding a vision of a family home, a place where we put down roots, unpack completely, and where our kids love to come back to years from now. Lurking beneath that has been the feeling that it's wrong to wish for it, a kind of spiritual guilt that I adopted somewhere along the way to fit in with my conditioning! So I'm again reminded that true freedom is of the mind and that it doesn't matter to pure awareness what we do or where we go. The most important thing is to BE present and aware and then whatever we do is the right thing.

K is planning a trip to India to sit at Arunachala where Ramana Maharshi spent most of his life. Perhaps we will all visit there together some time. K has never been out of the country and given that we are hoping to have another baby, this may be his last chance for a while. More importantly it's something he needs to do, he is compelled, which is a beautiful thing.

I've started a short course Writing and Illustrating a Children's story book. Something I've wanted to do for a long time.

Beau is watching Charlotte's Web, gorgeous story, and shaking off the last bit of a temperature from the weekend. Another slow day at home for us. Yay.

Ducks where are you?

Aaahhhh those eyes. Precious boy. Today as K and I were riding our bikes back from Bundoora Children's Farm (wonderful place) in the blissful autumn sun with Beau in his seat on my bike, we coasted along the creek-side cycle path, past the long reeds rustling in the wind. Beau called out "DUCKS WHERE ARE YOU" I had such a moment. He's nearly two and a half and is talking more and more, but there was something in that call......it was just such a normal sentence, something a child would say.....but the first of it's kind for Beau, and it was a moment for me realising he isn't a baby anymore. Now he's a boy, a kid, a little talking thinking person, my mate, my fellow seeker of duck life, my Guru, my mirror.

Baring of Bones

To blog or not to blog I have often considered. I've marveled at the output of all the countless creative sister bloggers I frequently visit and have wondered how you find the time......but you do and I will. I have kept a diary since I was 14 (now 39) and this seems like a logical step to take! The change of weather has arrived this early autumn Melbourne day. Glorious rain and cool wind. My two year old sleeps, my partner is out for a while, and the house is not too chaotic so here I am writing my first blog posting. It's like sitting in front of a blank canvas. A bit daunting, a bit exciting, and just mundane enough to be able to get on with it eventually. We bought our little house almost a year ago in the northern suburbs of Melbourne. A good deal further than I ever thought we would live from the ocean and a good deal of work to do on the house but I've always looked forward to having my own home, a place that would become a life size art work in progress. Just like life really and all the other sub-works we fill it with!!?? As for the Blog name - Skeleton Woman is my favourite story of all time, told and 'unpacked' so beautifully by Christina Pinkola Estes in Women Who Run With The Wolves. You must find a copy and read the chapter if you haven't already, and marvel at it's poignancy. I read it so many times and was inspired to write songs and paint . Isn't that creative heaven when one thing, one piece of something, one image, fills you to the brim. Skeleton Woman has been right by me rattling her bones whenever I've needed her - negotiating difficult relationships; entering into relationship with my now husband which is good and rich and real; at the home birth of our beautiful boy when I felt my own bones being rattled and transformed forever; grieving the death of my mother finally after 12 years; whenever the winds of change shake me up and render me restless.....and she reminds me to keep a sense of humour too. When I start to feel wobbly I just imagine everyone without their skin on!