time

My boys have gone off with a freind to the Steiner Kinder fair, leaving me here in bed to have a morning 's recouperation. I'm listening to this which I found through Amanda. Sigor Ros' music is so sweeping and emotive and otherworldly and has the same effect on me as the Cocteau Twins did throughout the 80's and 90's (and still now) - lifts me up into the ethers and bouyantly carries me to other realms....wonderful. This particular clip always has me in tears by the end - you will see what I mean. They capture the joy and the wonder and the fearlessness of childhood.
I just got off the phone talking with a very dear friend who is currently living a gypsy life of sorts, travelling around with his caravan, meditating, and about to head to India for the first time. He has all his time to himself as one does when one has no partner or family, and i always love hearing about his travels and his discoveries within and without. He has had an enormous year - a death, the breakdown of a realtionship, the emergence of personal demons.....Where am I going with this? I think because I have a day to myself I'm reflecting that time for self, brief though it is, as being precious and necessary. We have such big change upon us and the potential for a completely different life. We could buy a van and travel around the country. We could buy tickets to Europe and go and see Rinpoche next year. We could move to a different state and live in the country. I haven't really had time to contemplate it all, whcih is in some ways a good thing because it helps to focus on what needs to be done now, but I'm finding today, a sense of excitement as to what might be in store. I would like to leave my job and go back to a more creative way of generating income. A few years ago I had a small business recycling and dyeing children's clothing. Lately I've been having visions of rebirthing it and working from home again; especially as we are planning to have another baby. If we really are to homeschool, then we need to consider how we survive financially in a way that gives us time at home.

OUr beautiful boy. What a huge leap from two to three! The emergence of imaginative play and the ability to have a conversation; the joy he experiences now at being with other children and how far we've come from Days of Chucky (biting). Beau absolutely loves dresses. The more colourful and eloborate the better. His favourite is a little green 'fairy dress' that he must sleep in, dance in, and very pedantically cross the threshold from porch to entry hall in. He also loves shoes. Will do anything to try on a pair of shoes. I love it. I want to go out and gather the biggest dress up collection I possibly can. Boas, hats, tutus, jackets, masks.....and some for Beau too ;D

Way Way Way Past Bedtime

Just trying to cram yet another thing in before resting this weary body. K came home with library books about home schooling today. So parallel with my own feelings about education and family life and so inspiring in general they are that I read almost two of them by the fire this evening. They have successfully dispelled any concerns for me regarding time and energy restraints by pointing out that homeschooling , especially on an informal level takes much less time up of a day because of the intensive nature of one on one education; because 'lessons' are integrated into daily life and the daily routine and because the child can learn at his/her own pace, in blocks if they wish...AND as a parent one gets to learn things alongside one's children therefore eliminating another of my queries as to how much stuff do K and I have to know before we embark on this journey?? I feel excited and inspired as if (and as I suppose I actually have) finally discovered my true vocation. I feel passionate and energised and admittedly a little daunted by what may potentially be a barrage of questions and confrontation from a large sector of the community and possible even close friends (for I have detected a hint already during brief conversations with people on the subject). As with all areas of parenting it can be so confronting (in my own experience) when someone chooses to do something very differently from ourselves and from the mainstream because we are forced to question our own decisions and motivations. Which surely is a good thing. Lately I just feel more than ever that almost everything we do in the world we do with little to no questioning. Social, economic and political habits and requirements and expectations become the norm and because we see most people around us doing the same things we carry on trying to keep up. I do not suppose to have the all the answers or a better way of living, I think what has happened for K and I is that three aspects of our life have steered us further toward alternative ways of living - financial difficulty (which was partly the impetus for us giving up the car, and for exploring alternative ways of surviving and socialising); Beau's now thankfully infrequent biting which had us look more deeply into our parenting and our unconscious attitudes around control and freedom and staying true our most heart felt intentions; and underlying all of it our ongoing inner inquiry and observation and attempts to integrate (until someone discovers that the only obstacle to enlightenment is a mineral deficiency...) God/Buddha/ All That Is/ The State of Pure Presence or whatever you may choose to call It, with the activities of daily life. (hmm no wonder we are tired.) And we suspect that maybe just maybe there are other ways to do this Human Being in The World thing that are more simple, more relaxed, more embracing of others' needs, more sustainable and more fun and require a lot less funds.
If you have the answers don't hesitate to illustrate them in clear point form and don't skimp on pictures - we must have proof!
PS Happy Spring everyone Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently our computer doesn't realise we've moved on from winter. It's SO An Hour and a Half Ago!