Bicycle Love and

It's been 7 months since we gave up our car for bikes and public transport and it has it's joys and annoyances, but mostly I love it - the immediacy of just getting on the bike and feeling free and unencumbered and Beau loves riding on the back singing and pointing out all the sights. I've started noticing the bikes people ride and appreciating things like the Sartorialist's bicycle category - I never really thought much about bikes and fashion, but now that I've been riding for a while I've had visions of myself upon a pink Swedish Kronan
bike (above). A friend has a similar step through retro bike waiting for me to look at -apparently it is black with flowers all over it, pink mud guards and white handle grips. Now there's an excuse to parade new summer frocks. Strictly for mama though.

We went to the city today to see the Myer Christmas Windows along with every other parent and child in Melbourne it would seem, then later to the park to let the kids work off some stimulation. There was a bit of an incident with Beau and some other kids next to a swing - resulted in Beau attempting a face grab and a bite which I managed to intercept. The mother of the little girl who's face Beau attempted to grab sent me some very very dark looks from her bench and I found it very unnerving and wished that I had said something to her - felt like I needed to explain to her what the experience is like for me and Beau, which may have been very helpful. I notice how while I feel protective towards other children and try to prevent Beau from reacting in such a way, I also so feel very protective of him. As adults we sometimes forget that kids can't be expected to control themselves especially when they are tired and hungry and over stimulated and challenged by other kids. I have to remind myself too that it takes time to learn that skill and it's more a case of me needing to read the signs in Beau and change the environment rather than change his behaviour when things have already gone too far. I think today affected me because it's been so long since Beau has done anything like it. I 'm sure this time around it's a lot to do with him resisting nap time (which I always encourage) and then finding it hard to cope in the afternoon because he's actually really tired. Some days our wee ones are more robust than other days, just like their parents. Today I was robust enough not to walk away in tears. It's happened many times though. A mixture of so many emotions. That Beau has often been misunderstood by other parents, has particularly been hard. That I'm supposed to know exactly what to do all the time, and to satisfy other parents' varied expectations is also very hard. It brings up some of my own childhood sadness and so the challenge has been big and also very rewarding because I am learning to trust my myself, my intuition and my parenting, and to trust in impermanence.
There is nothing I would change about Beau. That kind of love feels cleansing, enormous; I can't even say I can be so unconditional with K, though it's my intention and being a mother definitely helps bring that possibility closer. K and I have found real unity as parents together, something we've experienced on many levels and not at all on others. I often wonder how I/we would be if Beau wasn't in our lives. Little monkey.