A week on from my little holiday and I am starting to get the Oh Dear I Do Miss the Land of My Birth Blues. I do believe that the flying of me over there and the degree of lovin' I received from friends and family was a meditated plan to have me return to Melbourne with the planted seed of desire to up-root my boys from our home of 5 years and gypsy it back to WA with her Indian ocean smells and big clear blue sky and lolling coastal train ride to increasingly gentrified but still so pretty and dear to my heart Fremantle. Oh west coast temptress with your quiet, unpretentious facade harboring creative potential and the promise of your fertile southern shores. I was determined not to come back romanticising you in any way. I had Eckhart Tolle on the MP3 player both legs of the plane journey - you'd think that his utterly inspiring advice on being always present right here right now would have permeated somehow. But alas my mind being what it is, despite odd moments of clarity and awareness, dips and dives between here and now and there and then and before and later!!
This is not to say that the joy of returning home was in any way depleted. Such bliss in my heart to see my boys crouched at the gate - Beau's delayed but beaming recognition of my return which carried on over the next few days through sweet happy exclamations of "Mummy home from aeroplane" (inferring that he thinks I've been up in the air all this time?) We have swung back into the routine that keeps our shared life sane and steady - that isn't always easy to bare when it costs our relationship time and energy but is still worth sticking up for when the mind goes a romancin' with the idea that 'everything will be better when...'. K and I are trying to practise presence in our lives so that the challenges of busy city lives as parents and partners and home owners do not undo us and we are grateful for the good people we have around us here. We talked last night about how we are feeling - about moving states, about having another child and the amazing one we've already been so fortunate to bring along. We have hit a stasis of sorts where my wish for a bigger family and to simplify and slow down are in the sort of contrast to K's wish for meaningful employment, travel, study and spiritual pilgrimage, that means we need to sit with it all and find out if we can do it all, and if only some of it - what will be let go of. K's wise last words of the evening were "let's not try to DO anything unless we are doing it from a relaxed, present. aware space". That's dead sexy talk that is! Lovely man. Excellent co pilot on this sometimes turbulent journey through time and space. Now I must sleep before I go analogy mad.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
My last day of holiday, still in Perth staying with Felicity who so lovingly flew me over there. I remember the day I met her when we were 18, at the Uni tavern. She was radiant, smiling and verbose and very chic in that Uni Student way in a hounds tooth jacket that was eventually worn by all of us girls at some time or another. We spent the weekend in the country at a wonderful stone lodge surrounded by hills and trees. 35 of us gathered on the second night - a group of friends who have known each other for 21 years and for me it was a rare and precious thing to see them all again and to meet their partners who felt to me to have been there all along. We were there to celebrate turning 40 which most of us are this year or reached last year. I had many moments of feeling on the outside - of suddenly not knowing what to do with myself - partly due to being there sans family ( who help to define me and distinguish me from who I was back then) and partly due to having been away from Perth for so long. But mostly I felt very comfortable with these people with whom I shared the transition into independent adulthood.
The tragedy of the weekend was that my camera has officially expired!!! It really is time to invest in a good one. A reliable one. Thankfully enough photos were taken by others. All the old photos from our first share house and beyond, where it all began, were on display the night of the party...We were so young and gorgeous and free and often quite drunk! I remember how much I loved those people. We were a great little community of 13 or so sharing time, food, philosophies, dance floors and sometimes beds... If any of you are reading this - I still love you all - you have retained your essence and gained partners, children, wisdom, and you can still command the dance floor as uniquely as you did in the 80's. Thank you so much for including me in the celebrations.