Wednesday, April 23, 2008

searching the soup

K has gone out to fetch us some soup. What I really want is the good hearty home made variety but after a long drive to and from the mountains, the take away kind will have to do! We spent most of the afternoon in Dru's caravan. Beau clambered about the caravan discovering it's nooks and crannies, whilst we three spent the time talking about the nooks and crannies of our minds, our favourite topic of conversation. I expressed my current challenge; the understanding that life is just living through us, that there really is no 'us' or 'me' that needs to DO anything and that all that is needed is to get out of the way, relax and be present and aware and respond in the moment; and all this mind wants to do is know how that will feel, look, pan out, therefore getting in the way entirely. What I love about our conversations with Dru is the humour that pervades and that we laugh at ourselves and the predicament of being in this world and not take any of it too seriously. More play, more laughter.....

Which is what I need to remember when I sit down to write or draw or knit or do anything other than clean and parent and cook etc these days. I have been feeling a galaxy's distance from the creative flow; feeling that it has been so long since I was in the habit of freely creating that my body and my mind have forgotten how to even enter that realm.

Well. .....Thugpa has arrived, momos too. When all else fails, eat, watch a DVD and have another go tomorrow!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

frock and flowers

Dahlia's in autumn, how wonderful, a whole garden full. Georgia O'Keefe would have stopped for a look..

We are going to a party tonight! long has it been. A frock K bought me two years ago making its debut tonight.

Slow Movement

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Spending as much time as we can in nature. (beverages optional)(Beau spending as much time in fairy attire as he can)

Up a tree....

on a rock....
slowing down and looking forward to country life.

Scarves finished. Now to make a blanket for a friend's baby due in August.
Bamboozled after a couple of busy days, eating on the run, driving around, busy busy. Love these slow days at home. Still dancing in pyjamas at 10am after a long, slow breakfast, lots of books, staring out the window, a long cuddle and a chat about whether or not fairies have sharp teeth....

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Love like a mother play like a child.

This morning K, Beau and I went to see Amma.
I don't really have adequate words to convey the experience except to say that I lost myself in the best possible way and felt the ocean of love that Amma radiates, and felt connected to everyone there and spent the morning in tears of bliss which came on each time I looked into another person's eyes. It was very difficult to leave but I reminded myself that we are never separate from the state of the teacher/enlightenment and so have managed to bring at least some of Amma home with me in my heart. I always come away from the presence of such teachers with enormous wonderment and gratitude that they have endless energy for everyone without exception. They just give and give endless love, and not always in ways that we recognise. It inspires me to give more and desire less, even though I slip back into the old habits and think there is a self to protect and satisfy.

I've been really watching Beau's play/child's play this week, more so than usual, maybe because I
am thinking so much about babies.....Children play in pure spontaneity, alone, with each other, with us if we are open to it. Beau is right into being a puppy or a cat lately and has to embody it as much as he can; drink from a bowl off the floor, have 'fur' tied around him, scratch around in the dirt, lay near the fire, come over for a pat and a scratch.

The other day we were at the park and he and 4 other little boys made a hotel out of a huge fallen branch; spent what seemed like hours, reconstructing it and moving in and out of it. I and the other two mothers sat back and talked and watched and helped when we were needed.

Parenthood is such an opportunity to relearn how to be present and free and to love without holding back. I'm counting on, that with all of these amazing teachers around(three year old ones included), there may be hope for me yet! For all of us!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Market, Mudbricks and a mad, mad wind

A lovely Saturday with friends out of town at their beautiful place surrounded by trees. We sat by the fire all day and ate, ate and laughed and turned lights out for Earth Hour at 8pm and continued the same activities by candle light. Good for the soul. Rainbows and kangaroos and cake. We love our little house but oh how we long to be in such a place surrounded by bush. Everything slows down. The colours of the Australian bush are so soft, a calming focus for the eyes. I do love it.

I hope your roofs are in tact. Ours is banging around like tupperware in this mad wind. Climate change eh? Hadn't noticed.....

PS that's Tahli's beautiful pregnant belly not mine. Not this month, though I was absolutely convinced I was. I woke up Sunday morning feeling excited to think there may be a positive test to see. It was still dark and Beau needed a pee and he said sleepily "Mama have you got a broken tummy?" And i stood up to turn the light on and there was a bit of blood on the dyne. Damn they are spooky sometimes aren't they the little empaths! My brother and sister-in-law are on IVF, and just had their second transfer which sadly was not successful. I hope it happens for them soon. I think they are handling it with enormous presence and grace despite the emotional and physical roller coaster that it is.