What is Posting this?

These are some of the things I'm loving about living in this little house right now.

the wildly animated greenery at the bottom of the garden

back door

Passion Flowers on the banana passion fruit vine that smells divine

the beautiful Still Lives that randomly appear.

Even though I still feel like I'm in a loopy limbo betwixt West and East I do verily appreciate this home that has been created with love and warmth and a particular aesthetic that involves many, many books, beautiful old pieces of furniture, over-stuffed couches, wonderful small paintings, rambling gardens, comfortable beds, white floor boards, quirky corners and intimate mementos dotted about. It's the kind of home I would create for us after many years in the one place and so it is very easy to be here and we are so fortunate for the opportunity, thanks to our friend and her daughter who are off on their adventure for some months.

One of my and K's favourite night time pursuits at the moment is snuggling up in bed with the lap top listening to/watching the teachings of Mooji whose site I've linked to the right here. He was a student of Ramana Maharshi, and now lives in Brixton, London and teaches all around Europe and Asia. His teachings, like Ramana Maharshi's and the Dzogchen teachings of our own teacher Chogyal Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche, and the teachings of many others, go straight to the essence of the state of pure awareness. These teachings are the stuff that holds K and I together as individuals and as a couple. Even whilst we are distractedly sailing through daily life they cut through often enough to keep us on track. Despite it being of greatest importance to my life than anything else, my spirituality is the thing I talk about the least, especially here. It's an intimate relationship for me and I need to be in receptive company to talk freely about it. And then over the last few nights it has occured to me that someone might love to find a blog by a woman with a family, who lives in the suburbs, who goes about the rhythm of her day like everyone else, but quietly devoted to asking 'What Am I' and watching Satsang late into the night when she could be catching up on sleep! We have some wonderful friends who we met on retreat and who later became family for us when we all came back to Melbourne. They too have young children and busy lives and distractions and do what they can to keep focused on their spiritual paths, as I'm sure you do in your own way too.

I have times where I could talk about the teachings from sun up to sun down and feel glimpses of my own naked awareness shining beyond all the talk of it, and then most of the time I am thinking and dreaming, and talking and planning, and cooking and experiencing the grey scale between Joyously Happy and Down Right Depressed. I marvel at how fickle the mind is and how distracted and how committed I generally am to sense gratification, and yet how bit by bit the moments of clarity infiltrate a little more often for a little longer. We are told that it's all right here, nothing to attain, that 'awakening' can happen in an instant under the right conditions (does that include prostrate on the couch with tea and knitting?), that we must just discipline our minds. If one of us can be in that experience then so can the rest. When I really contemplate the possibility of living beyond duality with NO suffering; exuding endless natural compassion and love; going about daily life with quiet, un-earthshattering but unshakable joy; and deep clarity and wisdom; this emotional roller coaster feels more like a carefree Sunday drive and I can find a way to not mind so much when the birds poo all over my clean white sheets out there on the line for the second time on the same day. The birds are me. Their poo is my poo. And what is this me thinking about poo anyway?

P.S. Apparently there is no answer to this question, just the question itself is important, so I won't be offended if none of you try earnestly to help me find myself.....(who just said that?)