a few things from last week

Smoke in the gully

Knitting a blanket for Bridge's soon to be born baby #3. So very much looking forward to seeing him/her appear.

22 Feb - Trying to get back into some kind of rhythm. Met with all the neighbours today who are part of our fire phone tree. A lovely bunch of people who I am only just getting to know. Tomorrow another warm one with big winds forecast. The unease is still with us all and the bags are packed with necessities for days in town. I put in an application for a very sweet little house further in toward town which coincidentally is being vacated by a woman I know and her 3 year old daughter. The house exuded her warmth and lusciousness. With that and the knowledge that it has nurtured another single mama before me, I thought it worth a try. I'm craving a home so much, one that Beau and I can be in for at least 2 years. It really truly is time to stop and be still. (I've just read back over almost all my blog entries and am reminded that this has been a running theme...)

wild

As you can tell I'm sure, I'm very excited about all this nature. I just can't think of a reason to go into the city, other than to see people who I hope will prefer to come here..all these beautiful orchids, tiny and richly coloured and detailed, growing amongst the rough natives and rubble and weeds. The neighbours up the road took Beau and I on a walk to see them today. They know the names of almost every plant in their area. I can't remember many of them, except for spider orchid and egg and bacon flower and the yellow one called Donkey's Ears or similar...Now I understand why our Botanist friend Ryonen speaks of plants as though they are people with personalities.

Every day we walk. It's all I want to do, just stroll through the whisper and the light and the crunch of twigs and leaves under foot.

Today we had L and T visit and we joined the lovelies in the big house for soup and fresh market bread. I have the privilege of cradling the new born babe in my arms each day, his blissful snuffling poking at my heart, sending my hormones berserk.

So quiet and dark. I have never seen Beau so free and happy. May there be a place for us here somewhere where we can plant and birth, settle, breathe, stop moving, know the names of trees and plants and animals and neighbours.

Soft landing

Again thanks to dear friends, this time in the fair hills, we have a cosy, temporary home.Here we shall stay until we find a place of our own . It is truly wholesome with kangaroos breakfasting outside our windows, trees and wild orchids as far as the eye can see, kookaburras and rosellas and cockatoos, view of the hills and not a hint of traffic noise. We went for a long bush walk today. Beau goes to bed exhausted and serenely happy. K is going to sell fabulous dharma books, I am going to make a picture book and learn some bluegrass and Beau is going to learn the names of trees and animals. One day soon there will be a mud brick home of our own, chickens and a vege patch and if I have my way, a goat to herd. The house hunting continues....

We are exhausted (hence I am cutting and pasting this post from a bulk email)but happy and relieved.

i never thought I'd say this but I don;t know what the hell I'd do without a computer and a spiffy new one at that. At the moment it's also a telephone, diary, DVD player, source of all music; it has officially replaced all other technology AND my brain. K is a marvel. My very own PC Whisperer. Also very good looking, loving father, sexy, sensational cook, funny, exceptional dancer (will that do it babe?)

I re strung my guitar and sang a few tunes this evening which is a sign that I am relaxing into the flow of life. I have seriously neglected Dolores lately but we are getting to know one another again....

The 'neighbours' are under the weather as well as in New Born Baby Land so it's good that we are here to support them too. Can't stop thanking them.

Here's a very funny lady for your viewing pleasure Nina Conti

Wanted...

Wikipedia..

A home is a place of residence or refuge.^[1] It is usually a place where an individual or a family can rest in and be able to store personal property. Most modern households contain sanitary facilities and a means of preparing food.

There are certain cultures in which members lack permanent homes, such as with nomadic people.

While a house (or other residential dwelling) is often referred to as a "home", the concept of "home" is a much broader idea which exceeds the denotation of a physical dwelling. A home is often a place of refuge and safety, where worldly cares fade and the things and people that one loves becomes the focus. Many people think of home in terms of where they grew up, and home can even be a time rather than a place.

6 Things I Like Today - simple stuff...

(yesterday for me too...) Tagged by Esti

1. Morning tea with my boys and D and M and little R, in Carlton out in the glorious winter sun.

2. ALL the washing getting dry in the sun.


3. Beau spending a long time 'loving [his] tree'.

4. Gazing at clouds (and my new boots).


5. Afternoon walk with my three favourite boys.


6. Last bit of colour as the afternoon sun fades.


I tag msaims and jo; if you would care to play ladies. xxxx

chasing the winter sun

Beau and I did a bit of drawing today....



and chased the winter sun around the house......









hope you were out in it too...

Here's some of what we did today.
This is Herbie, the new guy in the garden, completely legless......but still able to stand.


And some photos from our walk today......some bark


some more bark......love bark.


and the source of bark, a dignified tree in the burbs, holding up its arms as if to say 'I'M standing here..'


and small boy attempting to walk small dog and ride bike simultaneously.

Slow walk home! But good for the soul. I need to walk more. And do yoga, and swim, and meditate, and finish that painting......now where was that DVD I was about to.........

Up the Mountain

Beau in bed early, house is kind of tidy, my head is full of snot, Laura Viers CD playing, bed beckons. The days are moving fast, punctuated by meals and visits and shopping and sleep time routine. In between there are songs and drawing and cubbies and dress ups and cake baking and baths and park visits and many many cuddles. He misses his Dad very much as do I but we are having a great time. The other night we went out to dinner the two of us, something we haven't done before.

K is st his mountain feeling very fortunate and happy to be where Ramana spent most of his life. He has met a couple of other like minded Westerners with whom he can share his experience and also receive advice as to where to stay and what's happening around the town. Tonight a friend was taking him to see Om Amma, a woman who spends a great deal of time in Shamanic Trance and gives individual healings. I'm hoping he will take some photos that I can post. Whenever we speak on the phone I can hear peacocks yelping and not much else. It must be one of the few quiet places in India, especially at this time of year.

The Domestic Goddess is In

You now those days when you feel on top of it all? (rare here but they DO happen), the washing is done, folded, put away, the house isn't completely feral, everyone managed a shower, a load of dishes has been cleared, AND wholesome soup and cake are to be had for lunch rather than hurried cheese sandwiches that only get half eaten.....I am having one today, a Domestic Goddess, patting myself on the back, hoping there will be enough left overs to have this feeling last until tomorrow evening.

The Rhubarb and apple cake is based on a recipe on which I have improvised to make it more gluten free and butter free, but it is still fluffy and moist and so damn good that last week I made it three days in a row, well on the third day I broke free and used the mix to make muffins. Wooo! It's all breath-taking excitement around here ! Cake recipe below.


Rhubarb and Apple Cake
small bunch of rhubarb washed and cut into 2cm pieces
2 medium apples peeled and grated
3 eggs
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup yogurt
2 and 1/4 cups flour (I use spelt mainly, which you can also mix with other flours)
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 tablespoons of coconut oil (this was my substitute for butter and it rocks!)

• Cream coconut oil and sugar
• Beat in eggs one at a time
• beat in yogurt
• stir in the apple
• fold in the flour and baking powder
• stir in rhubarb
• place mix into round, greased cake tin and cook for 35 to 40 minutes at 180 degrees Celsius or until golden brown on top and fork comes out clean from centre.
  

Can you hear it???

........the earth is humming in pure delight.

What the rain brought;

some hope for the drought victims..

A barrow full of it in fact..

and the promise of more to come..

a queue for indoor hanging space..

one delicate, rug- bound canine who will go for hours without urinating to avoid damp paws..

a morning with three happy little boys and a tub of play dough..

and a very quiet afternoon for mama......aaahhhhhh.

When The Significant Other Is Away....

on a Man Date - things to do;

Gather important items at close handSnuggle up to most beautiful 3 year old boy until he falls asleep.

Engage in some healthy girl talk with Sister-In-Law and Ms BMW via telephone.

Lament the consumption of half a block of (very fine quality) organic mint chocolate.

Research short courses to squeeze in somewhere.

Google 'sore gums, early sign of pregnancy?' and get slightly excited when findings indicate the affirmative (could be, could be!). Did any of you experience this, at say 2 weeks into pregnancy?

Google 'due date' and 'pregnancy calendar' and plunge briefly into Google Goose Chase, regain consciousness and proceed to;

Fold washing.

Contemplate early bed time.

Ignore the above in favour of some knitting in front of the TV (blame it on the chocolate).

Too Darn Hot.

How are you survive the heat??? Over this way we did some of this at regular intervals during the day,
which went later out here to avoid garden expiry,
and took the opportunity to wear favourite frock from M's collection whilst preparing tea on kitchen set recently aquired from garage sale,
and focus on anything that looks vaguely cool whilst trying to keep all doors to outer world closed,

and blast the air con guiltily for hours until sun down, after having spent entire day at pool with friends.

Now just home from choir practice. They pushed on through in the heat - slow songs on a sultry night. It's been so very good for me to lead the choir. I still feel ill-equipped musically a lot of the time simply because I don't have much time to put back into my own musicality. But I feel very happy out front in the role of holding things together and this is a nice surprise as I haven't had that responsibility before. Just me. Always with others or on the other side. I feel that one day I might further my music studies and that this experience will give me greater opportunities out there. I watched the film 'As it is in Heaven' last week and realised what it takes to really lead and inspire a group of people. (lay awake all night analysing myself of course, as you do) Some of it I have and some I really need to find in myself. In some ways I'd even like to just hand over to someone else and sing with them instead, as I don't get to do much singing, not with others any way. They are a gorgeous bunch.

We are singing 'She Moved through the Fair' a beautiful old Irish tune sung by anyone who's anyone in the Irish music world. (Happy St Pat's Day by the way). we have been trying to work out what the song is about, a bit of research here and there. I love it when the song becomes a bit of a journey for everyone. I t helps to soak it up and give it out in one's own way.

My father (the retired Holden Whisperer, yes) sings in a choir in WA and sings solos and lives for it. It's special for me to witness that in him. He has rediscovered a very big part of himself and gives us another point of connection. It was really special for us both for me to go to choir practice with him when I was there, and sing along with them.

What is Posting this?

These are some of the things I'm loving about living in this little house right now.

the wildly animated greenery at the bottom of the garden

back door

Passion Flowers on the banana passion fruit vine that smells divine

the beautiful Still Lives that randomly appear.

Even though I still feel like I'm in a loopy limbo betwixt West and East I do verily appreciate this home that has been created with love and warmth and a particular aesthetic that involves many, many books, beautiful old pieces of furniture, over-stuffed couches, wonderful small paintings, rambling gardens, comfortable beds, white floor boards, quirky corners and intimate mementos dotted about. It's the kind of home I would create for us after many years in the one place and so it is very easy to be here and we are so fortunate for the opportunity, thanks to our friend and her daughter who are off on their adventure for some months.

One of my and K's favourite night time pursuits at the moment is snuggling up in bed with the lap top listening to/watching the teachings of Mooji whose site I've linked to the right here. He was a student of Ramana Maharshi, and now lives in Brixton, London and teaches all around Europe and Asia. His teachings, like Ramana Maharshi's and the Dzogchen teachings of our own teacher Chogyal Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche, and the teachings of many others, go straight to the essence of the state of pure awareness. These teachings are the stuff that holds K and I together as individuals and as a couple. Even whilst we are distractedly sailing through daily life they cut through often enough to keep us on track. Despite it being of greatest importance to my life than anything else, my spirituality is the thing I talk about the least, especially here. It's an intimate relationship for me and I need to be in receptive company to talk freely about it. And then over the last few nights it has occured to me that someone might love to find a blog by a woman with a family, who lives in the suburbs, who goes about the rhythm of her day like everyone else, but quietly devoted to asking 'What Am I' and watching Satsang late into the night when she could be catching up on sleep! We have some wonderful friends who we met on retreat and who later became family for us when we all came back to Melbourne. They too have young children and busy lives and distractions and do what they can to keep focused on their spiritual paths, as I'm sure you do in your own way too.

I have times where I could talk about the teachings from sun up to sun down and feel glimpses of my own naked awareness shining beyond all the talk of it, and then most of the time I am thinking and dreaming, and talking and planning, and cooking and experiencing the grey scale between Joyously Happy and Down Right Depressed. I marvel at how fickle the mind is and how distracted and how committed I generally am to sense gratification, and yet how bit by bit the moments of clarity infiltrate a little more often for a little longer. We are told that it's all right here, nothing to attain, that 'awakening' can happen in an instant under the right conditions (does that include prostrate on the couch with tea and knitting?), that we must just discipline our minds. If one of us can be in that experience then so can the rest. When I really contemplate the possibility of living beyond duality with NO suffering; exuding endless natural compassion and love; going about daily life with quiet, un-earthshattering but unshakable joy; and deep clarity and wisdom; this emotional roller coaster feels more like a carefree Sunday drive and I can find a way to not mind so much when the birds poo all over my clean white sheets out there on the line for the second time on the same day. The birds are me. Their poo is my poo. And what is this me thinking about poo anyway?

P.S. Apparently there is no answer to this question, just the question itself is important, so I won't be offended if none of you try earnestly to help me find myself.....(who just said that?)