Tulips

The beautiful image of tulips was taken by my friend Susie at the Tulip Festival in the Dandenongs. Hiding from the wind and still laid back with this flu/virus thing that has withstood a barrage of therapies alternative and non. I feel exhausted and have gone through feeling quite depressed because I haven't the energy to just be my normal functional self . I have a new respect and compassion for anyone living with a chronic illness. We have a good friend staying with us who has come in like an angel and taken up the slack - that kind of support is golden, and I wish it for everyone when they are in need. Looking forward to feeling well and happy and energetic, and to long warm nights outdoors. Watch out for flying branches and watch Breakfast on Pluto.

Hmmm I must learn how to size title image correctly!!!!

time

My boys have gone off with a freind to the Steiner Kinder fair, leaving me here in bed to have a morning 's recouperation. I'm listening to this which I found through Amanda. Sigor Ros' music is so sweeping and emotive and otherworldly and has the same effect on me as the Cocteau Twins did throughout the 80's and 90's (and still now) - lifts me up into the ethers and bouyantly carries me to other realms....wonderful. This particular clip always has me in tears by the end - you will see what I mean. They capture the joy and the wonder and the fearlessness of childhood.
I just got off the phone talking with a very dear friend who is currently living a gypsy life of sorts, travelling around with his caravan, meditating, and about to head to India for the first time. He has all his time to himself as one does when one has no partner or family, and i always love hearing about his travels and his discoveries within and without. He has had an enormous year - a death, the breakdown of a realtionship, the emergence of personal demons.....Where am I going with this? I think because I have a day to myself I'm reflecting that time for self, brief though it is, as being precious and necessary. We have such big change upon us and the potential for a completely different life. We could buy a van and travel around the country. We could buy tickets to Europe and go and see Rinpoche next year. We could move to a different state and live in the country. I haven't really had time to contemplate it all, whcih is in some ways a good thing because it helps to focus on what needs to be done now, but I'm finding today, a sense of excitement as to what might be in store. I would like to leave my job and go back to a more creative way of generating income. A few years ago I had a small business recycling and dyeing children's clothing. Lately I've been having visions of rebirthing it and working from home again; especially as we are planning to have another baby. If we really are to homeschool, then we need to consider how we survive financially in a way that gives us time at home.

OUr beautiful boy. What a huge leap from two to three! The emergence of imaginative play and the ability to have a conversation; the joy he experiences now at being with other children and how far we've come from Days of Chucky (biting). Beau absolutely loves dresses. The more colourful and eloborate the better. His favourite is a little green 'fairy dress' that he must sleep in, dance in, and very pedantically cross the threshold from porch to entry hall in. He also loves shoes. Will do anything to try on a pair of shoes. I love it. I want to go out and gather the biggest dress up collection I possibly can. Boas, hats, tutus, jackets, masks.....and some for Beau too ;D

Not drowning, waving

Drowning in snot. My little boy and I like his father before us and countless others we know. This shall be known as the Spring of the Great Snot. Weeks and weeks of it and then a fresh bout of what feels like heavy bronchitis. A week at home sick alone with a sick child....VERY testing, and here I am now taking a moment on day two of Beau refusing midday nap and both of us dragging our sorry butts around the house - Beau asked for Little Mowgli Movie (Jungle Book 2). It's so cute I cannot tell you and I said no no no until my need for time out and his need for chill out became too obvious. He's sitting so still on the couch with the most heavenly smile upon his face and every now and then looks over at me and repeats his favourite bits with a chuckle. For so long I resisted letting Beau watch anything. K and I don't watch TV, just DVDs now and then, and we hoped to keep Beau from the Box for as long as possible but well, there's no denying that as a family without extended family, in times of need a DVD of wise choice is a bloody Godsend. Granted Beau has only ever seen 3 movies, Mary Poppins, and Jungle Book 1 and 2 and maybe watched Playschool 3 times in total.

The sale of the house is going ahead, auction booked, inspection days penciled in and a weekend of hard yakka ahead to prepare for photos next Wednesday. It's all going very fast which will probably prove to be a blessing. Ironically of course the more we do to clean up the place and prepare for sale, the lovelier it feels to me. Ah dear. How difficult it is to be a human being sometimes, with all these desires and attachments. Thankfully the Universe (be it that to which we may credit our fate) has thrown out the life boat in the form of supportive friends, a place to rent for half a year and what we are told is a seller's market so we will come out of this OK. And that will be the biggest breath of fresh air I could imagine. There have been so many times this last year and a half where we have not felt OK. Just as well there's much more to life than owning a home (which we probably will do at some point again anyway). At last we are coming back to a place of freedom, in our minds more than anything, and flexibility. The tight chord around our life is loosening and finally, teetering at the edge of 40, I may just be about to live the country life I've dreamed of. If I can just hold my nose and jump in......