Loooooooooooonnnng Day

Oh mama, up since 5am worked, came home to willful child testing every boundary refused afternoon nap which is my saviour we got through it somehow (I don't even drink coffee....maybe I'll start again) K came home we exchanged grunts I felt the need to suck my thumb and go straight to bed had to vacate house while people inspected came home made dinner Beau refused to go to sleep K tried and tried and gave up Beau danced beneath the moon I collapsed on bed Beau came in later grabbed a boob allowed the application of a nappy turned over put his nose on mine and fell asleep. Now I am catharting here with a mouth full of ulcers again preventing me from drowning my sorrows in a cheap glass of wine. Ah me. Just as well I love that little guy more than anything on this earth and beyond. Just as well we love them like that. I did scream into my pillow which gave some relief. It was a scream for the loss of Time To Myself and the shadow of guilt that is always there for the wanting of that time. Motherhood is a large and mysterious and heart opening thing. A mother can withstand an entire day of stuff that will have another person abandoning in minutes. Always at the end the end of such a day I am reminded by Beau himself to let go of the struggle. The more tired and strung out I am the more I struggle and the harder it is. As soon as K gave it up and let Beau frollick in the fading light he was already on his way back to bed. Such is the way.