Oh lordy, lordy, lost in the quagmire that is house hunting. Have been approved for one that we may well take, back in the city. I feel like all I do is move house. and for this reason I'm feeling the pressure for it to be a good decision. Not going to be wanting to move again for a long time. Too exhausting. Here's a bit of a run-down...
1)GOOOOD news! My brother and sister-in-law have at last had IVF success! HOORAY. Such a long and bumpy road for anyone. Their happiness is a blissfully welcome thing.
2)Been reading more and more on home schooling and feeling more and more inspired. My friend is in the process of choosing the right school for her wee ones, and finding it quite bewildering. At least her efforts will reap reward in the long run. But still an unenviable task. Who do you trust to look after you most precious ones for the greater part of the week?
3)Am getting used to being a Single Person slowly but surely, though the transition between those three days of just me, to then being intensively with Beau, is an interesting challenge. I feel distracted by each one at each change over. And then I think god is that what it's like for Beau? I imagine it gets easier, smoother somehow. Personally I am finding the time goes very fast. I am so grateful for both the time to myself, to play my guitar until late into the night, to belly dance in my room all day, to walk long walks and think my own thoughts; and then for the precious one on one time with my beautiful, perspicacious, affectionate, funny and sometimes very pissed off little boy. There is a great sadness and missing and even some guilt when he is not there and I am Doing My Thing. Am I allowed to be happy with the way things are? This is not what I thought Family Life was going to be like.I am doing an amount of grieving, a lot of rebuilding, heaps of rediscovering and a great deal of Letting Go. What I'm finding great joy in, is the morning preparation for Beau's afternoon return, by way of cleaning, cooking, making, arranging....my labour of love, my Karmayoga. When he comes home there is evidence of the consistency of my love radiating through these things.
4) I LOVE belly dancing. Had I discovered American Tribal Style and Tribal Fusion 20 years ago that would have been it for me. I am also finding a strength in my singing voice that 30 years ago, when I began playing guitar, I wished for. It would appear, that at 41, through circumstances I tried hard to avoid, this late bloomer is finding her Mojo.
May yours be flooding towards you too if not already stealthily parading within.
Listening to Beats Antique, Martha Wainwright, Lykke Li, and the rain....
5 comments:
I would never had had your strength or grace. Life certainly presents us with endless challenge..
I have discovered yoga: its unbelievable how much I love it.
But my voice seems to be diminishing...which is not so good ! :-)
Nice to read such a long post. I often wonder how you are going, especially as I have total empathy for you right now. I know the guilt you speak of and yes yo are alowed to enjoy your you time. Just remember that time that feeds you will feed the time you have with Beau. It also models for him a healthy woman with a good sense of self which will be good for him in his future. Also sometimes kid think they are responsible for their parents and worry that you will be lonely. Let him know you miss having him about but you have lots of things to keep you busy until he returns.
By the way I've awarded you an Awe-summm blog award that is doing the rounds at the moment.
thanks ms hen for the advice and the award!My first. Big love to you fabulous lady.
O hello!!!
How are you going? Have you found a new nest for you and your little one yet?
(Oh I just had to look twice at the word verification it actually says splut but I thought the compluter was not being kind to me for a second!!!)
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