The Domestic Goddess is Out or It Don't Mean a Thing if it Aint Got That Zing

Ah me I'm bamboozled by this day just gone, in a fog of not-enough-sleep, no homework done, a 24 hour battle with a three and a half year old will (and consequently my own parenting), combined also with what may well be PMT OR pregnancy, these days it's never quite clear (wishful thinking for the most part). This is the to be expected polar opposite day to the post below. Also grappling with the fact that I've given my sincere blessing to K to fly off to India for 4 weeks and that simultaneously I feel all manner of emotions arising at the prospect of him being away for that long, ranging from deep love and understanding, to fear of life changing radically beyond my control as a result of his pilgrimage, to confusion as to how he can so easily do this when I find it so challenging to give myself an hour here and there to catch my breath or have a nap or just be with myself.
I lay in bed for hours last night watching awful thoughts arise and fall, like some morbid soap opera dealing in only fear and loathing. Thoughts that have absolutely no basis in reality but are simply the spawn of an ego desperately trying to assert itself amidst change. After all, we are also planning to leave in a few months and whilst my heart sings at the thought of returning to the Indian Ocean and all that lies close to it, many sly mental tricks are playing themselves out.
A dear friend and I were having lunch together on Saturday (yes I do let myself out now and then), and I found myself referring to my mental habits as the committee of the displeased, who are basically a bunch of all the voices who have ever made me feel guilty about following my heart. We had a good laugh which was extremely therapeutic as I aspire to not taking myself too seriously, especially when I'm hormonally challenged.
Anyway we noted that I am pitting myself against an intolerant and fearful panel and that allies are what are most needed. So I won't be sharing our plans with people who aren't prepared to be open and enthusiastic about the following of a heart. And I won't be the voice of woe to K, as he prepares himself to follow his.
If I look deep into my heart then what I am doing is exactly what it wishes. All the battles and fear and loathing are just part of the challenge of staying on the path. I really need to trust more in my body's wisdom and in the quality and location of the feelings that arise when something needs to be decided. If there's a zing in the chest area it's good thing.