skeleton woman begs for audience

What an autumn this is. Shedding more than leaves around here. Autumn has got me all topsy turvy. My head has been full to overflowing. Let go let go let go is my mantra. I hold my drawing pen and hover over white paper. We talk about where to go after winter. Freedom brings fears. Let go let go let go. She's in the cave putting new flesh on rattling rattling telling me to stay with it and watch and wait. Don't bolt. There's a winter yet and then a spring. Life is living us all whatever move we make.
This is the bit I always forget. Whenever I have big decisions to make (at least they always seem big) I feel like I have to do everything I can to bring a good outcome. And along the way there are many people to please and many factors to consider. Exhausting. Something good happened at Amma's feet. A pause long enough to show us what it might be like to just be.

So I'm feeling very emotional and open. Beau and I have spent many days at home talking, making things, dancing and singing, walking in between rain showers. We all spent last weekend driving around the country looking at property which was great research but rather exhausting. It was a little charged for me with the feeling that we have to buy a house now. I've been holding a vision of a family home, a place where we put down roots, unpack completely, and where our kids love to come back to years from now. Lurking beneath that has been the feeling that it's wrong to wish for it, a kind of spiritual guilt that I adopted somewhere along the way to fit in with my conditioning! So I'm again reminded that true freedom is of the mind and that it doesn't matter to pure awareness what we do or where we go. The most important thing is to BE present and aware and then whatever we do is the right thing.

K is planning a trip to India to sit at Arunachala where Ramana Maharshi spent most of his life. Perhaps we will all visit there together some time. K has never been out of the country and given that we are hoping to have another baby, this may be his last chance for a while. More importantly it's something he needs to do, he is compelled, which is a beautiful thing.

I've started a short course Writing and Illustrating a Children's story book. Something I've wanted to do for a long time.

Beau is watching Charlotte's Web, gorgeous story, and shaking off the last bit of a temperature from the weekend. Another slow day at home for us. Yay.