a few things from last week

Smoke in the gully

Knitting a blanket for Bridge's soon to be born baby #3. So very much looking forward to seeing him/her appear.

22 Feb - Trying to get back into some kind of rhythm. Met with all the neighbours today who are part of our fire phone tree. A lovely bunch of people who I am only just getting to know. Tomorrow another warm one with big winds forecast. The unease is still with us all and the bags are packed with necessities for days in town. I put in an application for a very sweet little house further in toward town which coincidentally is being vacated by a woman I know and her 3 year old daughter. The house exuded her warmth and lusciousness. With that and the knowledge that it has nurtured another single mama before me, I thought it worth a try. I'm craving a home so much, one that Beau and I can be in for at least 2 years. It really truly is time to stop and be still. (I've just read back over almost all my blog entries and am reminded that this has been a running theme...)

Sitting in our little studio feeling the sweetness of the cool wind and savouring the earlier sight of a roo jumping through the gully. Everything is seeming so much more precious out here and I am feeling immense gratitude and empathy. The tears are plentiful tonight - the first time I've really had to let the events of the last 6 days sink in, having heard neighbours' stories this morning, read more media, speaking to my aunt who luckily got out of Marysville but lost her home and many friends. There's a strong bond strengthening within the community which has me realise that although I've been here for 6 months I haven't fully entered it, for various reasons. Whilst considering moving back to the city where I might feel less isolated as a single parent, I am all of a sudden feeling more connected here to the land and the people. Contemplating the many ways in which I might be of some benefit whatever I ultimately decide. These are some of the links and places I've come across via blog friends and research.


Nillumbik Shire

Donate to or foster an animal through Animal Aid

Victorian Bushfire Public Accommodation Donation Line - 1800 006 468 (8am-8pm)

To utilise your craft skills;
Knit4charities
Handmade Help
Honey Bee stores are organising care bags to go out to children in bushfire affected areas.

Register to volunteer help at GoVolunteer

Shop at Coles, Safeway and Woolworths tomorrow (Friday 13th Feb) where 100% profit will go to Bushfire aid.

And so much more that Meet Me At Mikes has comprehensively listed on their fantastic blog

I hope I'm not coming across with too much self pity. There is definitely a thread of sadness that relates to K not being here to share the emotional load, and to seeing how Beau is carrying the events of the last month. But above that I can't articulate adequately, the depth of feeling I have for everyone and every being affected, that is connecting me to the grief and pain that is felt all the time in places that are usually removed from me geographically and personally. I know everyone is experiencing the same thing and that this grieving process is important. It's wonderful to read all your posts. You are a lovely bunch indeed.

refuge

Been in town since Saturday morning when it was clear that staying at home would have been at the very least f***ing uncomfortable.Beau and I headed for a swimming pool then back to my brother and sister-in-law's place at which point one of our neighbours kindly phoned to suggest that going home wasn't such a good idea. Not long after, we realised the devastation that was already underway 15 minutes from home and the death toll started rising. I finally drove home this morning, both Beau and I hoping to stay and see the neighbours and be close to our community. I stopped at the local Store to buy bread and burst into tears as soon as I entered. It's all too sad and the whole community/state/country is in shock. We changed our clothes, looked out for signs of the neighbours, I chucked out the manky veges, tried the radio and when there was no power I felt nervous and packed a couple of bags. There was still smoke in the air and what felt like an unpredictable wind. Tahli arrived and we decided to leave again, the neighbours too. It feels better to be with friends in the city than to be worried at home. Hard to believe how big this is. Too sad.

For news http://www.abc.net.au/news/events/bushfires
For updates http://www.cfa.vic.gov.au/incidents/incident_summary.htm
For donations 1800 811 700 or www.redcross.org.au

Fires are still burning in Beechworth and Churchill. My thoughts and prayers go to everyone affected.

soundtrack of a life

Listening to the Cocteau Twins - Lullabies to Violaine, remixes, extended, alternate versions of all the goodness that is their ethereally textured and tongued music, that has at so many times in my life kept me together - through a drawn out break up with my first boyfriend,on long train journeys across Europe, in the lonely closet of a room in Tooting Bec, cleaning at 7am in an empty cafe in Covent Garden for less than respectful employers, in dappled green lit danish forests, on foot over the London Bridge searching for a friend, and on one memorable occasion on a mountain top at midnight on a tiny Greek island with a beautiful young french/greek man who shared the same love of the Twins and whisked me up there on his motor bike...
Some music brings you to earth, some stirs you up, some makes you want to move, some goes deep and pulls at what lies beneath, some casts you gracefully and soulfully up and out of the mind. The latter is the Cocteau Twins for me. Them and a little Mazzy Star too. What does it for you?

postcard from the edge

So the word on the street this morning was that it was 48 here yesterday; that domestic chickens and tree dwelling birds and marsupials were dropping dead in front of people's eyes....Driving to Warburton in the afternoon to find respite in the river revealed the town to be the only green place, in this part of the state anyway - so dry and drooping the land and trees from here to there to the city and back again.

Our little guy turned 4 yesterday Now officially 'a big boy' and wishing to do many things by himself. He received some money from his sweet grand folk and Aunt and Uncle, and declared that he would buy himself a train with a snow plough, which indeed he did today - the electric variety that goes around and around. He is currently asleep with two carriages in hand. And tonight, with the blessed breeze trying to find its way into our little shack, I bake - all things going to plan - a chocolate banana cake shaped like a train. Tomorrow promises to be cooler somewhat which means the little party can go ahead.

K and I are trying to find our way, through birthday and heat wave and sadness and confusion. It would be helpful to know how to do this separation thing; some kind of manual specifically tailored to us. A simple step by step guide to Moving into New Life with minimal impact on all concerned. Other than breathing deeply, and applying concentrated empathy, it seems we are destined to Make It Up As We Go Along and ride out these days where we feel we are making a right f*** up of it all. I go from not thinking about anything ,just laying about playing four year old games, to following a thousand thoughts about where to live, how to survive financially, will someone ever love and stick it out with me 'til I'm old and wrinkled, will earth crash into sun...etc etc, the former being much more relaxing and some of the latter inevitably requiring consideration. Right now I will contemplate this challenge - coloured icing made from kuzu powder, coconut cream, palm sugar and beetroot. Such is my love of the children and their parents, expressed in this attempt to avoid sugar and artificial additive meltdown. The pure cacao might well keep them awake for some time though. I selflessly licked the bowl to determine its potential affect.
May you and your animals be calm and happy, may your skin care products live to tend another day, may your gardens be revived and your homes be ventilated.

Tuesday....
After Beau's pool party we staggered back to Jen's place, happy and a little sunburned, for dinner. we went out to pick some very challenged but edible silver beet which survived the heat thanks to Jen's care - shaded in a way so very appropriate to Jen's character, in lace curtain - always gorgeous, never shabby.



And now so very sleep deprived and attempting to make good this Time On My Own. resisting the urge to clean...............yup, urge gone!

PS Kuzu icing a total flop, but the Agar Agar version set after some hours in the fridge. Looked a bit more like custard that icing but hey it would have been sweet and aesthetically pleasing. Didn't set in time for party so the train looked somewhat......rustic. A normal person would probably have stuck to the more volatile but dependable old icing sugar ,butter and food colouring variety, but i am apparently bent on being super mum during this challenging period. Somebody slap me!