soundtrack of a life

Listening to the Cocteau Twins - Lullabies to Violaine, remixes, extended, alternate versions of all the goodness that is their ethereally textured and tongued music, that has at so many times in my life kept me together - through a drawn out break up with my first boyfriend,on long train journeys across Europe, in the lonely closet of a room in Tooting Bec, cleaning at 7am in an empty cafe in Covent Garden for less than respectful employers, in dappled green lit danish forests, on foot over the London Bridge searching for a friend, and on one memorable occasion on a mountain top at midnight on a tiny Greek island with a beautiful young french/greek man who shared the same love of the Twins and whisked me up there on his motor bike...
Some music brings you to earth, some stirs you up, some makes you want to move, some goes deep and pulls at what lies beneath, some casts you gracefully and soulfully up and out of the mind. The latter is the Cocteau Twins for me. Them and a little Mazzy Star too. What does it for you?

figs, friends and francophilia

Here's a photo of Teresa and I singing our first song at the festival in December, O the Dreadful Wind and Rain (Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings version. Looking forward to some more singing. Right now I'm thinking accordion, violin and some french chansons.....

and for Toby and Ryonen, the promised no fail Fig Jam recipe (it's hard to f*** up fig jam really) from Stephanie Alexander...(I love you two xxxxxxxxxxxx)


(photo care of www.foodpast.com)

1kg ripe figs
750g sugar
1 large lemon washed and finely sliced
1/3 cup red wine vinegar (I guess you could use apple cider vinegar???)

slithered almonds and ginger optional

Cut figs into bite size chunks
Mix with sugar and tip into large non reactive saucepan that will hold figs comfortably
Pulse lemon for a few seconds in food processor to make smaller pieces
Add lemon and vinegar to pan
Give it a good stir
Bring to boil over moderate heat
Cook for about 30mins stirring intermittently to prevent sticking
test for setting by placing a dollop on a cold saucer; when it cools you should be able to stick your finger in it and it will part the blob without running back together.
allow to cool for 10 minutes then spoon into hot sterilised jars and seal.

Happy Jamming lovelies.

Bit of Christmas crafting and a bit of letting go

Having trouble remembering to photograph the things I've been making of late. I made this Bird mobile for a friend's new bub, in a flash of last minute inspiration and thought only to take a photo in the car (hence attractive vinyl dashboard back drop).

Beau's advent calender is up and the Christmas Fairy nightly brings various small treats or instructions to which end this blog has been really helpful. Trying always to find the balance between getting and giving and to infuse Christmas with meaning. For me it is about family and birth, giving and gratitude and the most fantastic food we can put together. Christmas was magic for me as a kid, Mum went all out to make it so and the main thing for me, as much as I loved receiving presents, were the rituals that evolved for our family; the tree (which we had for 22 years), the way we decorated it, the old stories, the preparation of food,the wrapping and planning and the odd but good humoured family dynamic that was always played out every Christmas lunch - non of it particularly extraordinary but exciting none the less. And even though our family has never been the slightest bit religious, I absolutely loved the stories around baby Jesus born in a barn - the whole nativity thing; the wise men, that big star, arriving on a donkey, Frankincense and Myrrh (which I thought were exotic visitors for a good many years).

My family and I as a whole haven't spent Christmas together for at least 10 years, (probably more in K's case) which I find a little sad. Since mum died our family in general has been somewhat disconnected and which is why I think I'm probably more eager to create a strong sense of family and family rituals than I otherwise might have been. It seems that mothers are the ones who tend to keep extended family together and keep those family rituals alive. Nothing like Christmas to test how many familial expectations there are yet to let go of.

My friend Teresa and I have three gigs coming up, two this weekend and one the day after boxing day. The two this weekend are small but the first for us and for the first time in my life I am actually looking forward to performing. Could it be that my long time and crippling fear of singing in front of people is finally lifting? I do believe so. I think it has much to do with the practice of trying to stay present and therefore spending less time in thought about something that will happen in the future, and much to do with getting older and worrying less about what other people think. It could be, that having just turned 41, I may finally be learning something.

Too Darn Hot.

How are you survive the heat??? Over this way we did some of this at regular intervals during the day,
which went later out here to avoid garden expiry,
and took the opportunity to wear favourite frock from M's collection whilst preparing tea on kitchen set recently aquired from garage sale,
and focus on anything that looks vaguely cool whilst trying to keep all doors to outer world closed,

and blast the air con guiltily for hours until sun down, after having spent entire day at pool with friends.

Now just home from choir practice. They pushed on through in the heat - slow songs on a sultry night. It's been so very good for me to lead the choir. I still feel ill-equipped musically a lot of the time simply because I don't have much time to put back into my own musicality. But I feel very happy out front in the role of holding things together and this is a nice surprise as I haven't had that responsibility before. Just me. Always with others or on the other side. I feel that one day I might further my music studies and that this experience will give me greater opportunities out there. I watched the film 'As it is in Heaven' last week and realised what it takes to really lead and inspire a group of people. (lay awake all night analysing myself of course, as you do) Some of it I have and some I really need to find in myself. In some ways I'd even like to just hand over to someone else and sing with them instead, as I don't get to do much singing, not with others any way. They are a gorgeous bunch.

We are singing 'She Moved through the Fair' a beautiful old Irish tune sung by anyone who's anyone in the Irish music world. (Happy St Pat's Day by the way). we have been trying to work out what the song is about, a bit of research here and there. I love it when the song becomes a bit of a journey for everyone. I t helps to soak it up and give it out in one's own way.

My father (the retired Holden Whisperer, yes) sings in a choir in WA and sings solos and lives for it. It's special for me to witness that in him. He has rediscovered a very big part of himself and gives us another point of connection. It was really special for us both for me to go to choir practice with him when I was there, and sing along with them.

Gentle Landing

We went to the Aquarium today (first time for me). All very cool with sharks and rays swimming overhead but so noisy I couldn't wait to get out of there. Would be amazing to be there with the emulated silence of the under world. I guess we'd have to gag and bind our children so perhaps instead I'll where ear plugs next time. Here is my favourite fish of the day. Nature has a wonderful sense of humour.

Thank the goddess for supportive friends, mild weather, perfect timing and the dear, welcoming friend into whose house we have gently landed at last. We have moved into this fully furnished house - a place that just instantly feels like home, as if the things in it we have always had around us. M's energy and aesthetic resonates with our own so there has been little to do other than fill cupboards and fridge and clear away boxes. I am completely exhausted and I love it here. The boys reflect the same sentiment. Beau has ridden the move smoothly and even prefers to sleep in his new bed. K still one armed but taking care of all our technological needs as only he can. The photos will show how lovely it truly is. I feel like this is a place to spend half a year recovering and creating and visioning, and just enjoying. Good to be back in the old familiar 'hood.


Watched 'I'm Your Man' (Leonard Cohen Documentary) again last night. Yet again I feel the wave of inspiration that hit me during the first viewing. Leonard himself in all his profound wisdom, dignity and poetry as well as the performers who covered his songs at the Opera House. I have played my guitar more since I first watched the DVD a month or so ago, then I have in years and my oh my it feels GOOD. I have to say also that the Irish film 'Once' has had the same affect on me. Music music music.

I have craft books on their way from Winterwood and a lovely spot in which to make manifest their contents.

Oh and it's official. We are now debt free. (deep sigh of relief) All is well.

Blanket Stitch my world

The beautiful babe went to sleep early and so here I sit joyously, indulgently crafting the night away - making soft trees (see dodgey web cam photo above) thanks to Suse's lead, out of glorious felt, hand stitching and thinking about how many periods in my life I've found myself huddled in the light hand stitching something in a state of meditative bliss. Now with a renewed creative surge; four years ago when I recycled children's clothing and hand stitched felt motifs on everything; and ten years ago at art school when I hand stitched little tissue paper mache shellacked squares into cubes - 480 squares making 80 cubes (people thought I'd gone batty "It's Process Art man") . Each time I sit down with needle in hand I think about my grandmother who embroidered and crotched prolifically. I never knew her as she died when I was under two years old but I feel a connection to her in this way. I vaguely remember my mum swearing at her Singer so I guess the gene must have skipped a generation. Mum had her own thing going on flying light aircraft (THAT gene may well come back through my children, not me!)
So yeah soft trees, what a delight, for the nativity set growing on the mantle. I passed up K's corporate Christmas Do for a Night On the Felt. We have my Work Do tomorrow night and one a weekend is simply enough for me. Did I mention that I've resigned from my job and have but one more week of 4.30am starts and lifting boxes and standing on my feet but sadly simultaneously only one more week of hanging out with wonderful co workers/friends/employers and customers, good food, stimulating adult conversation (the lack of which could be my undoing!) and daily dose of belly laughing. Truly a fabulous job for so many reasons but so often has me exhausted and dreaming of more time with Beau and K and allowing room to reorganise our family routine to provide more time together in general. With neither mortgage nor debts (can I just say the latter one more time.'nor debts' ahh the sweetness of it) there is much potential in this change. We are regularly found drooling over country real estate these days, just to keep our sights on the ultimate goal.
Back to soft trees and Grant Lee Phillips (of Buffalo). Listening to his Nineteen Eighties Cover album which, if like me you were molded by that decade, will bring you much joy and perhaps even a sentimental tear. Great covers like Under The Milky Way Tonight, Love My Way, Boys Don't Cry, Wave of Mutilation and other gems.

Have a wonderful weekend y'all

Just imagine it.

Had I a camera I would have taken photos of the numerous culinary delights I created this weekend like a regular domestic goddess. Despite fighting off a bug and feeling a bit weary, I just had the urge to bake, and cook and use up a fridge full of veges. A friend gave me organic double cream and a jar of organic marscapone which obviously necessitated the making of cake. Yesterday I made cauliflower and potato soup, flourless orange/almond cake, and pear compote which I've used today to make banana and pear muffins. I finally got around to making my own sourdough leaven which is proofing as I speak and seems to be doing what it should be doing, ie frothing up nicely with a slight beery smell. So tomorrow I will make my first ever rye sour dough loaf! Never thought dough would get me so excited but there we have it.
We have been cleaning up our front and back gardens and shed in honour of the glorious weather promising spring. Slowly but surely our garden is becoming a lovely place to hang out and hopefully we'll have a little pergola with shade cloth and a baby grape vine before the heat of summer hits.
Next thing to do is mend and adjust the funky frocks hanging on the study door, ooh I can't wait to get into those. Unless of course I am pregnant by the time the weather warms up - that would be both wonderful and disturbing given that all winter I've been rotating the same three outfits without too much complaint knowing that frocks are awaiting!
A wonderful musical discovery today - well music recommended by a friend - a six CD anthology of American Folk Music recorded in the late 50's.(thanks Mike for keeping us well fed in the music department, and you too Martin while I'm at it) Apparently Bob Dylan 'borrowed' the exact anthology from a friend prior to his rise to fame. You can hear the influences so clearly. There's such a mix of spirit and joy and darkness in those songs. Makes me want to pick up my guitar more often and sing whatever is in there. It's so easy to not do it. And yet lately each time I've played and sang for a few hours of an evening I've spent the following day feeling like I've had some profound spiritual cleansing!! Why wouldn't a person want to experience that more often and just say 'bugger the dishes'.....
Beau's perfect joy right now? A simple Ikea train set that he bought with the coins in his money box. He clutched it to his chest in quiet satisfaction all the way home and hasn't stopped playing with it since.

All together now

K and I have been together for 7 years today. This day marks the day when we 'knew' we were going to be together. Lismore Northern New South Wales. The Winsome Hotel. A synchronistic meeting, an exchange of phone numbers and a quick kiss that felt like much much more!

Just came back from a great choir practice. They are wonderful people, fun and easy going and sing beautifully and it's such a pleasure to stand in front of them and hear the songs. I've never lead a choir before now and it is teaching me so much - bringing me back to music in a much more community-minded way; expanding my appreciation of musical genres and teaching me to be humble and assertive. I've had so much fear around music since I was a teenager and first declared to my desperately unhappy mother that I wanted to sing. She couldn't hear it because she had so many unfulfilled dreams of her own and so I guess took on a certain guilt around the dreaming and the hours spent teaching myself to play and compose.
My father has rediscovered his own voice in the last 6 years and sings in a choir in WA. It's so good to connect with him on that level and listen to him talk from his heart about his love of singing. It doesn't matter how old we are, it's never too late to do these things.

Beau and I rode to our friends' house around the corner this morning in the winter sun, that glorious first hint of a spring not too far away. Seeing Beau walk freely around the park lands has me yearning to get to the country. He would truly be in heaven living on acreage (as would K and I) with lots of animals about and lots of great jobs to do outside. We spent all Saturday in the garden, mulching and clearing rubbish and relocating the chickens and Beau always wants to help. He helps cook and clean and fix and dig and fetch and push.....they love it the little ones, to just do whatever it is we are doing. I feel like we could get rid of all the toys and there are still a hundred things to do.

Sunday evening we had our forth Co op collection. Lots of families coming through the house of our friends up the road. Lots of kids, lots of chatter, lots of helping hands and LOADS of really good food being sorted and weighed and bagged and bottled....So many other ideas are growing from our co op. Craft group, recipe book, sustainability (which is where it started really) bartering, working bees...it's a dream come true and it makes life in the suburbs a whole lot more exciting.

(Something weird is happening with the time down the bottom of each post. Believe me it is not 4.30am as I write this!!)

Corners of my home and my mind.

Our little home. It is a slow work in progress but it is light filled and warm and cosy. It is the perfect blank canvas. There are corners I love and corners that have been transformed like this one by simply having bought an op shop couch and covering it with red that catches the afternoon sun. A place to read and cuddle and watch the world go by the front window.

Our choir is revising a Rachmaninoff piece called Bogorditsye Dyevo - a beautiful 4 part song.....I have it constantly in my head at the moment. So many divine pieces of music/songs have been written and played....
It's a pleasure to be singing with a group of like-minded people and a real challenge for me to be there as a singing leader. I was thinking not so long ago about the length of time music has been a part of my life. Mum taught me to play piano when I was 6 or 7.....so 34 years now and perhaps I'm only just really finding my feet with it. All the fear and moving in and out of musical connections and still no matter where I am it will find me even if I'm not looking for it. I'm very happy that Music cares for me enough to go the long haul with me. I think I've come a little further to be able to make reciprocal commitment!